My Thoughts On: When A Friend Cancels Plans

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If there’s one thing that a friend can do that reallllly irks me, it’s cancel plans. That being said, there’s definitely ways to go about this occurrence.

  • When is it appropriate to cancel plans on a friend?
    • I’m of the volition that unless there is an emergency or something completely out of either of your control happens, you should never cancel plans. No matter how small you may think your plans are, and no matter how often you see each other, your friend has taken time out of their schedule to see you.
  • What if I just want to reschedule?
    • Ask your friend how they feel about rescheduling. If they’re willing and able to, then go for it! If their schedule is tight and doesn’t allow for rescheduling, suck it up and grace them with your presence.
  • How do I ask if we can reschedule without sounding like I’m blowing them off?
    • Provide an alternative time then and there to meet up. If you say “can we meet up another time?” this may give them the impression that you’re not really gonna end up getting together. Giving them a specific other date and time will show them that you aren’t just trying to brush off your get-together and that you really do want to see them!
  • If a friend cancels plans on me (possibly repeatedly), should I say something?
    • YES! If a friendship is worth it to you, you need to say something to squash the issue or at least bring light to the fact that this is negatively impacting your relationship. Your friend is not only missing out on interactions with you, they are also making you feel not as important as whatever else she’s planned for that time. If they value your friendship as much as you do, they’ll appreciate you saying something. (keep in mind, this does NOT need to be a confrontation but merely an “I miss you and I really hope that are plans won’t keep falling through” conversation)
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My Thoughts on: Long Distance Friendship

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My best friend from college, Anna, lives in NYC and while that’s only a four hour trip from where I live in Boston, this definitely qualifies as being long distance. And after maneuvering the ins an outs of a long distance friendship for almost four years now, I feel like I have  pretty good understanding of what it takes to make it last.

  • How often should you see your friend in person?
    • I try to see Anna every two months or so. Obviously your financial situation and the farther away you are from your significant other friend impacts this but at 4 hours away (I take a bus), we make plans to see each other 6-8 weeks if possible. We alternate who visits who so this amounts to about 3 or so trips to NYC each year for me and about 6 times to see each other each year!
  • What’s the best way to stay in contact?
    • Between the times that we see each other we honestly don’t text anywhere near to everyday. Obviously if something comes up that I want to tell her or ask her about I’ll send a text but the grand majority of our communicating is done via a phone call every 2-3 weeks. If we text all the time we don’t have nearly as much to talk about in depth via a phone call or skype sesh where you can communicate a lot better.
  • How often do you talk?
    • Like I mentioned we usually text a couple times a week (very brief, not conversations) and have an more in depth phone conversation every 2-3 weeks.
  • How do you make plans to see each other in person when both of you are busy?
    • This is something we definitely struggled with at first because our live are super busy and weekends fill up quickly. The system that works for us is setting up our next get-together at the current get-together. This means before I leave NYC or she leaves Boston at the end of the weekend, we both take out our phones and pin down the next weekend we’ll see each other. This eliminates the back and forth all together!

My Thoughts On: Chivalry

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It’s been a long time since I started a new series but after reading Cupcakes and Cashmere’s coffee posts that give a little more insight into Emily and her team’s feelings on certain topics, I was inspired to open up a little more about topics that I might otherwise not cover. Let me know what you think of this series idea!

  • Do you believe chivalry is dead?
    • No, I don’t believe chivalry is dead but I do think that the expectations have changed. In the past, chivalry was more of a necessity in showing a woman that he could take care of her but as women become more and more independent, chivalry has become less of a “necessity” and more of a kind gesture.
  • Does chilvarous equate to sexist?
    • No. A man can offer to pay for your dinner without the underlying thought that you can’t afford it yourself. Sometimes they just want to treat you! If he does think you can’t afford your food, however, that is sexist.
  • Should a man pay on the first date?
    • Not necessarily. I personally offer to split the bill on any date I go on and only let the man pay if they insist. If they do pay, that’s great and super sweet but should never be necessary.
  • Are you okay with a man paying for your food/drinks most of the time?
    • Yes, but only if it’s of their own volition. While I might let the man I’m seeing pay for the majority (upon his persistence), I will always make and effort to front the bill at a cheaper meal or buy the coffee (meals, drinks and snacks where they are less likely to make a fuss over the bill).
  • Can you be a feminist and still admire chivalry?
    • Yes! For me, being a feminist means that you believe in equality. You can believe that women and men deserve to be treated equally and also appreciate when a guy holds a door for you.

I would love to know your thoughts and/or questions on this topic because it is one that comes up a lot in conversations with my friends and family.